Filed under: Life
Ku diuji dilukai
Ku bertahan hingga kini
Cinta pada yang ku sayangi
Ku mampu bertahan
Selagi itulah jua
Tidak sekali aku tunduk mengalah
Di mana pun berdiri
Akan ku tetap genggami
Biarpun sungguh perit
Menanggung beban yang menghimpit
Ku tetap gagahi”
I decided to listen to the song when I was on my way back home just now. I don’t know why I chose to listen to the song, but I just felt like it. It has been one of my favorite ballads of all time. The melody is simple but the touching. That’s what I like about it. The lyrics? Straight to the heart.
Things were hard for me lately. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have anyone to turn to and really cry my heart out.I have one actually but probably he would understand why am I saying this. There are times when I feel like I’m being pushed away by people. People that I care about. I want to know the real situation, but I’m afraid that it is just me, taking those things too seriously.
Am i being too good to others? Am I being too kind? Why am I always being treated like this? As if I am not there, and my presence is insignificant. I don’t need all the attention in the world, but I just want people to pay attention to my needs. I am not a dictator. I have never been one. In fact, I am the follower. I sometimes tend to push aside my needs, the things that I want to do, for someone else. Not because I want to show them that I am a good friend, or to make an impression that I am kind or something like that, but it is because I care. I care for my friends. Doesn’t matter whether they think I am good or bad, but I just want them to know that I care. But I never thought that being good to others will bring harm to me. How ironic is that?
I went for a party today. A small get together thingie. Honestly, I thought it was just a waste of time. The event was all over the place. It was kind of messy. The food sucks. The goodie bag? Not gonna talk about it. The people was okay. I didn’t know any of them except for one, who brought me in to the place where the party was held. He paid for my entrance fee. Thank you. Luckily it was cheap, so I guess I can talk shit about it. But I don’t feel like it. It was their very first event, so I guess, they are all forgiven. Thank you for the evening. Though I thought I should have done something else like spending my time with someone else at somewhere else or whatsoever.
When I saw those people, I see, nothing. I’m not being judgmental but it’s kind of hard for me to trust people nowadays. I love knowing new people. New friends. In fact for the past 2 years, I have met many of them. Maybe because of few unfortunate and unwanted events, leaving me all traumatic to get connected to others. I am tired of my life to be honest. I am becoming a whiner. Well, I whine to certain people only and I whine on my blog.Guess it’s not wrong after all to whine. Probably I have been whining about the same freaking stuff, and my readers might want to tell me to get a life or something, but I am trying to get a life here, for your information. I am trying my very best.
My point of posting this entry is just to express how I feel about being pushed away by people. Being neglected. Being whatsoever else. Hopefully, I will be able to handle this.
I can make it through the rain.
And I hope I will “bertahan”.
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